i can't sleep

so clearly.

i blog.

i should study, but i must say this first.

on this the day that i turn ::21again::

it is the wee hours of the morn
i am trying to be quiet so that my roommates think i am still asleep.
i can hear them rustling outside my room
making ::21again:: day preparations outside my room
i'm afraid to go out there
i don't want to ruin their surprise
i'm afraid of what their surprise might be
[i heard scotch tape being dispensed and butcher paper and possibly streamers being brushed against the wall... i pray for an untacky day -- forgive me. i digress]

at my ripe old age of ::21again::
i am trying
to be a more gracious + appreciative person... at least in expressing my gratitude
to be a more devout person
to be a more learned person
[i know i am graduating but i am sure i have more to learn.]
to be more of my potential
to be a more inspired person + to act on the inspiration
to be a person who can see beauty in others + all things
to be more giving of talents + other things i possess
to be more willing to serve
to be a more thoughtful + sentimental + meditative + contemplative person
to be more frugal

i see the anniversary of the date of my birth as a day
of becoming 1 year wiser
of looking at the year that has past and learning from it
of making resolutions and goals
[to accomplish during my ::21again:: year that i could never have done before, as a post grad, as a 22 year old, as a renewed daughter of an eternal family, a friend, a long-distance friend, a sister, a cousin, a niece, a photographer]

even though i am turning ::21again::
i still don't like to be fussed over [though i can bask in being in the spotlight for one day] no fussing necessary
i appreciate a polite birthday wish or greeting sent my way [in a timely manner, snail mail is unpredictable, but facebook, texting, emails, via this or my other blog, etc. are immediate and should be anticipated carefully]
be that as it may, i don't mind birthday outings and gifts that occur during the week prior and post to the specific day of the remembrance of my birth
for i am a coquettish, young girl who wants one thing on one day and another on the next
but i still don't like to be fussed over
none the less, i will be forlorn if you happen to forget to wish me birthday salutations, because i do my best to remember yours

i hope my audience does not find me too blunt, rude, selfish, or callous
but i do know a thing or two about birthdays [i have had 21 of them]
and i know how i should like mine to play through

in my world
on my day of turning ::21again::
i should primp myself for the day at my leisure
i should think of a sundry and it would appear before mine eyes
there would be fresh, peach and raspberry pie for breakfast
i should wear a party dress all day, without it getting spoiled, wrinkled or otherwise
there would be the soundtrack to my life playing wherever i might go
everyone that crossed my path would know it was my very own special day and they would kiss me on the cheek and say the nicest things to me
i would politely say thank you and they would no longer dote on me, making me feel uncomfortable
everything would be perfectly perfect and lovely, delicious, enchanting, delightful, and pleasant

but since this world isn't mine or perfect and neither am i
i am grateful for the things that i have and the people whom i know
for the things they wish me or if the forget to do so
i know that rain or shine, for i love them both
will be a beautiful day to remember the day that a man and a wife brought into this world their first child, a daughter